Even though you think your life is hard, it isnt you get everything handed to you on a silver platter, you dont have to loft a finfer and your mommy does everything for you. You never felt real emotions, depressed is a foreign wors to you and dissapointed… sweetie dont even get me started on dissapointed.
i lost everything, sometimes i feel like my life is just a waste of time and worthless. Matbe it is idk i just know im really depressed and theres nothing i can do about it.
maybe im the only one who laughs and genuinely smiles when i cut. Maybe im crazy. I dint know i gueds death and such just comforts me.
That feeling of relief you get when something bad happends to you and you hold it in because only a couple minutes later you can go and cut.
Life’s crazy, maybe even crazier than myself. I know I’m crazy ‘cause my life is great I have no reason to cut. I’m not
hideous, but at the same time I’m not any beauty queen. I’m somewhat intelligent, and I have an outstanding and remarkable personailty and I’m hilarious and I can get beat up in the morning by mom mom while i get ready and still manage to show up to school on time with a big, fake smile on my face. So I guess I’m a good actor.I guess all of that really doesn’t matter though because at the end of the day I can look like Megan Fox, but it still won’t change the fact that I haven’t had a legitamate boyfriend since 7th grade, or that i don’t have a family really, my moms an abusive alcholic pefectionist, my dads a dead-beat druggie and my brother is a slacker who is in denial of his horrible life so he escapes to various video games to live in a make believe land. I don’t trust anyone, I have been stabbed in the back too many times, thrown under the bus and fucked over, abandond by the man who is supposed to love me with all his heart more than once, too many promises have been broken and too many times i sat in my room by myself picking up the pieces. I guess when your life is really bad you grow to hate the world a little more each day, but at the same time appriciate it. I have some of the most amazing qualities, but the dark world i live in has made those qualities amount to nothing.
I cut again, and im damn right happy. I did. I don’t feel that much better, but i sure as hell dont feel as worse as i did. Maybe i neeed to cut more or maybe deeper.
Is it okay…
Is it okay to say i dont want to live anymore? Is it okay to be absoulutely annihaliated and still want to cut? Or to still be depressed? My only dream world, my escape from lifes’ stresses and my own self-destructive mind is haunted by a dark prescence. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Life means nothing to me anymore, life may be great if nobody cared, but if you don’t care you don’t have to motive or muse to live. The saddest part is, I want to live, i wish i could be happy and have a great group of friends and family, an amazing boyfriend, and a purpose to stay on this earth. The only thing keeping me sane, and alive is now torn apart.
